OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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