I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
