Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
