In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
