im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
