Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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