Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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