Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
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I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
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I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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