the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
