Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
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All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
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Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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