it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
