Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
