i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
