and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
