i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
