If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
