So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
