be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
