I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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