We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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