I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
