I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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