White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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