im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
