As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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