people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
