ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
