why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
