It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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