You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
