a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
you had me at cake vodka
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
