I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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