Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
