dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize