he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
