i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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