I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
