Pants 0. Shit 1.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
that is very illegal...i love you.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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