i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
thus making me awesome and them whores
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
