got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
