Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
pray to the hookup gods
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
