you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
