if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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