I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
