i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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