I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
