i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
