garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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