i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
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she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
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'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...