watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.