apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize
