i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad