Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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