he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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