The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
