im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
