Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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