i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
