This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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