Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
