i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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