wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
