HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
