Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
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I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
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Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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