Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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