I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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