tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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