I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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