Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
