i would punch a child for taco bell
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Randomize
