Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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