no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
