high people should be assigned attendants
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
