happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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