let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
