im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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