he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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