The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
