we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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