If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
