Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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