so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
