My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
