I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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