then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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