my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
