As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
