i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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