I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
