Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
